I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
