LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
