I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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