After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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