what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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