I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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