i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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