im gay
i know
yea but for you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
