the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
