mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize