I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
