Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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