God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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