You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
