Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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