Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
