Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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