This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
