it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
