I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
