im six kinds of drunk right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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