I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
