this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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