Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
