She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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