Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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