For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
