Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
