The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
