Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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