so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I sprained my soul last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
