I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
