If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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