No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We just shotgunned beers for America
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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