honey bunches of taint.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
