i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
