I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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