You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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