Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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