R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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