Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize