P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize