she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
