so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
