Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
