A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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