So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
