Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
