I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
