I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
