Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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