do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
