i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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