she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
