hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Text me some of your sweat
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
