did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
