Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
