my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
