Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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