I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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