I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
