there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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