I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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