I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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