R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
her vagine was all disorganized.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
